I just pynch a tree in the face
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
