wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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