Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
