i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
