my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
