I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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