I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
