So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
