The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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