Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
