So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
