i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need a beard to bite.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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