I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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