They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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