If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
