I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
