you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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