You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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