My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
