you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
