I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
