Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
