You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
