dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
