There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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