this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
