you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
