I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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