Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
