hotel room ftw
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
