Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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