We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
