So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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