dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I met the friendliest cop last night
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
