Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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