im drinking this country out of the recession.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
