My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
