He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
