we have officially lost it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
