When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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