So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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