Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
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