Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
