Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
