I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
