i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
