I will die if light touches me.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
