So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
