dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
