and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
