He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
