You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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