Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I had to cum in my sink.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
