she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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