Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
